They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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