Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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