Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
