Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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