At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
