Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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