they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
