I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
