what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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