well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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