why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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