so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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