I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
