4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize