Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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