i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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