Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
