this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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