I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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