I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
