were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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