no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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