its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
