i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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