dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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