Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
