I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize