I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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