Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
