Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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