My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
