You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
