I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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