so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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