I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
