She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
