You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
