So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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