if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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