You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize