just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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