I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
