just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
