I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
