who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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