Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
