i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize