that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
