Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
