Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
