did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
