i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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