from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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