So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
