Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
