I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
