And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
