you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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