I wanna passion pit in your ass
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
