You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
