she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
