ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
