We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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