Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
