He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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