Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
