my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
